Thursday, May 17, 2012

But gay sex is icky in my head!

Whiny-ass bigots 

 “Serena Locksley” was a classmate of mine in graduate school a dozen years ago when we were both enrolled in a doctoral program. Another thing we had in common was our day jobs as teachers, although she was dealing with high school and I had the advantage of dealing with (ostensibly) adult college students. President Obama's mild-mannered and rather halting endorsement of equal marriage rights for all Americans—and the apoplectic reaction of the religious right—reminded me of Serena's serene response to a related controversy in her secondary-school classroom.

Her students were doing a unit on human rights in their senior social studies curriculum. The amicable consensus that human rights are a good thing was beginning to unravel as students began to draw lines in the sand. Sure, it was wrong to discriminate on the basis of race or religion, but sexual orientation? Trying to avoid crossing the lines of politically correct terminology, the dissenters made the point that “queers”—oops! uh, gays—were different from “normal”—oops! uh, most—people.

“But, Mrs. Locksley, what they do isn't natural!”

Years of experience had made Serena all but unflappable.

“What they do isn't ‘natural’?” she replied. “If it's inborn, how can it be unnatural? It is your argument that some people don't know their own sexual impulses?”

Students on both sides of the gay-rights aisle were writhing in agony, praying for the clock to run out on the day's excruciatingly sensitive topic. One student took a stab at making an irrefutable argument:

“Mrs. L, I don't care if people want to be gay, but I don't like it when they make a spectacle of themselves! That's not fair to the rest of us!”

Serena probed for more information.

“You mean, like prancing around in gay pride parades?”

Several students nodded their heads. One went further:

“Or hold hands in public!”

“You find it offensive when people hold hands in public?” asked Serena.

“Well, not when straight people do it. But when two guys hold hands, that's like flaunting it in your face. Then you can't help thinking about the stuff they do, and that's gross!”

“You have to think about what they do? You mean, besides holding hands?” asked Serena.

The student hesitated.

“Yeah ... cause, like, you can't help it. And it's icky!”

Serena let the moment stretch out for several seconds, but the students remained anxiously quiet.

“That's an interesting reaction,” said Serena. “So what about when a man and a woman hold hands? That doesn't force you to think about what they ‘do’? All of you call me ‘Mrs. Locksley’ or ‘Mrs. L,’ meaning that all of you know that I'm married. That doesn't force you to think about what my husband and I do together?”

Ewwwww! Mrs. Locksley!”

Here endeth the lesson.

3 comments:

The Ridger, FCD said...

Indeed. If only everyone would just avoid saying or doing anything that made me think about their icky sex lives. Like mentioning their children - even things like "my daughter's graduating Friday so I won't be at work" make me think about you having sex! Ewwwww. Cut it out!

Kathie said...

Ridger, not to mention that photo of your preggo mom -- my eyes!!! ;-)))

Rhoadan said...

I have to admit that I get cranky about the whole "holding hands = lovers" thing. People should be able to hold hands if they're just friends.

OTOH, I find making out in public to be, well, icky, but I don't care if you're gay or straight. It's the "making out in public" part that's the problem.